Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
