if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
