Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
