i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
