Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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