Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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