My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
