gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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