Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
