clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize