it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
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