I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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