I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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