woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
