they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
