There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
