As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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