I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
