I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
