To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
