Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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