belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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