Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
All the doctor said was why
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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