If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I have demons in me.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This is the high leading the old right now
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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