I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
