no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize