well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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