2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Sext me about skeletons
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
