Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
porn star boner night. come get it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Bring me that man meat
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
