I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
