Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
