A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
