I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
