He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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