Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
