Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
