I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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