how can u be prego again
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
