So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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