Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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