I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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