fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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