i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Randomize
