i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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