the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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