i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
