I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
