Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
