so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
