yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
