I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Terrible idea I love it
Your penis caused this!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
