Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
