is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
