I've blown a few things in my day
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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