forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
