My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize