the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize