my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
