She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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