guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize