So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
