just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
