but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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