apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize