I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
