I think I am morally bankrupt
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
