1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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