Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
