something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
