just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize