Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
