Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
