I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
