God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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