i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
