3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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