Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize