Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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