You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
