Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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