So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Michael Bay diarrhea
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize