Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
