was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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