At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
