This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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