I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
