I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
