You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
