put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
