I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Umm I'm too high to move.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
