i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
