the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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