I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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