It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
