His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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