Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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