you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
