how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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