every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
