We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
